A little problem with this post tests sat, but it’s back up and running.
On December 22, I was proposed to. It was a beautiful and wonderful night. All my family was there to celebrate. I cried. I was in shock! I had no idea. I was so excited! But, after the dress was bought, the invitations were sent, decisions had been made, money had been spent, 3 weeks before the big day, I made the bold decision to postpone our wedding.
The decision to get married is hard.
I always thought it would be easy.
That the so head over heels in love feeling helped you float over all the hard stuff, all the doubt, all the what if’s, and all the hard questions.
Should I marry this person is a hard question.
It’s a decision that affects many – my future spouse, my immediate family, forever future generations, and myself. This is a decision that impacts eternity. In light of that realization, how can I not want to make the right decision? The right decision.
Wow! It is so easy to get lost in the worldly trap of “what if”…
What if statements can force you into confusion immediately if you don’t use them wisely.
What if – I marry the wrong person.
What if – I make the wrong decision.
What if – I make the wrong decision.
What if – There is someone better out there for me and I’m settling.
What if – I wake up and don’t like the man I married.
What if – I get married only to find out my spouse doesn’t really like me.
What if – I can’t meet the needs of my spouse so he leaves me.
What if – I get left by the one I’m entrusting my heart and life to on this earth.
What if – I wake up everyday and dread my decision.
What if – I wake up and I want out.
What if – My life turns out exactly like I dread it will.
What if – I’m a terrible wife and mother.
What if – I’m the problem…
What if. What if. What if.
My mind is exploding with what ifs!
The questions run one after another like a sneaky slimy sickness creeping it’s way into a body without recognizing it.
Living in the land of “what ifs” is not living at all.
Doubt has been my biggest struggle in all of this.
You know what it has shown me?
At my very core, I don’t trust God fully in every area.
Ouch!
That hurts me to the depths of my soul to admit. But it’s true. I don’t trust God to protect me in a marriage. I want to build my own walls to hedge myself in so I can be my own personal valiant protector, then if something goes wrong, I will feel safe because I controlled it all. Somehow my fake, self-preserving walls actually give me confidence that I will somehow be okay.
How sad is that?
I have spent a lot of time processing about my future spouse and marriage, but the biggest thing has been revealed is this: I really don’t trust God as much as I thought I did.
No wonder making decisions have been so hard! When you can’t trust God with your life, how can you feel confident that you will arrive at the right decision?!
The world says “Follow your heart.”
But what I have come to realize that I don’t want to follow my heart.
I want to lead my heart.
To lead my heart means I have to purposefully trust God, overflow with Truth, and base my decisions on the Word of God.
It is easier to follow my heart and get lost in my emotions, but that results in my stability being based on the ups and downs of how I feel. If I were to follow my heart now, what would stop me from following it later when I one day awake to the frustration of not being pursued in my marriage, or I believe the lie that I married the wrong man? If I start off a marriage by following my heart what is to stop me from following my heart right out of my marriage when I am not happy with it?
No thank you! I will lead my heart.
And that’s HARD people!
It is easy to think it, a little harder to say it, but much harder to live out.
Leading my heart means making decisions every day on purpose that align with God’s voice in the silent whispers and agree with His Word. Everyday I need to decide that I will not be bound by the fear that desires to hold me back in my life.
This means I must guard my heart in all that I do and also, lead my heart in Truth even when “I don’t feel like it.” Lets face it, it is easy to give up on standing firm in the Truth when you don’t feel like it. I do it all the time. But I’m done! I want to live my life being moved by the Spirit of God, not by my own decision and moving only when I feel like it.
If I can lead my heart now, I can develop that muscle so that it will be available for use when I need it again and again.
The fact is, the decision to marry someone should be hard. I think to many people walk into marriage not really seeing the big picture, but I can see it and realize the enormity of this decision – and quite frankly, it scares me.
At the Bridal fair, as we scanned through the thousands of people in line, we realized that almost 70% of the couples would not even be married in 5 years!
I believe couples should spend time thinking about the future…really seeking The Lord in prayer to ensure this decision is the right one for them. This decision is weighty. It will carry on into eternity. To walk into it without real meaty discussions, stepping over those butterflies and fluttery new love emotions, and also working through your baggage and fears…How will you really ever know? Why wait until after you are married to ask yourself if this decision was the best one?
My decision to postpone my wedding hadn’t been easy. And honestly I think that is good that I have been wrestling with this to the depths of the fiber of my being. Now, I know what I’m signing up for: I am making a choice to stand beside someone even when they are at their worst. I’m choosing to love someone even when I don’t feel loved in return.
No one wants to believe there will be hard days in marriage. I have sought counsel of many counselors. I know marriage will be filled with amazing days and some hard times. I don’t want to be unprepared for any bumps or unsure I married the right person, because I know if I don’t prepare those bumps could be fatal.
I desire to enter marriage fitted with the armor for any battle that may be in front of us. I dream to be able to stand firm against the real enemy – instead of my spouse. I yearn to dig deeper into the Bible instead of falling more in love with worldly reasoning. I aspire to live in the overflowing abundant life instead of settling for even the smallest sickness for I know that sickness is the beginning of death. I crave to walk in unity because I know even the smallest amount of strife is the beginning of division – Division would typically end in divorce.
Marriage is a battleground because it is a perfect illustration of the way Christ loves the church. He is coming again to swoop up His bride for the most beautiful union! The enemy desires to destroy this image of Christ to the church by driving nails of strife into the marriage between a man and a wife.
When we dig deep into our Father’s heart, He will direct our steps to that perfect match for us and then equip us to supernaturally live out our marriages in more unity not strife. Truth is – we can fight against each other or we can stand firm fighting together for unity!
No one wants to call off a wedding. It is so hard! But sometimes you have to stop working on the temporary (the wedding plans) to focus on what is lasting (the marriage). I will walk in to my marriage with full confidence – not fear.
My prayer is that in sharing my painful journey in deciding about marriage it will somehow help you too.
My prayer is that in sharing my painful journey in deciding about marriage it will somehow help you too.
Love,
Kathleen
sheriyates.com 