Confession – I Didn’t Listen to My Husband

Why do some wives (ahem…me) have trouble taking workout counsel from their husbands? To me it feels like criticism – like I’m not enough just like I am. I end up rebelling and not taking care of myself until I know I’m loved just the way I am. 
Not anymore. I decided I’m worth it for myself. In the journey I found what an idiot I had been. It’s in this light that I wrote this transparent letter to the love of my life. 
This is a letter to my husband after I realized how stubborn and foolish I had been for not listening to this man for years! 
“I’m ashamed of myself for not listening to you earlier. Like, years ago, you told me, ‘Hey if you do some cross training with your running, your running would grow faster, stronger, and everything would be better.’ 
I believe I was so insecure that you thought I wasn’t skinny enough, pretty enough or in shape enough that I couldn’t actually receive your suggestions or constructive criticism. Instead, 
I built a wall. 
I wouldn’t listen to your unsolicited advice about my body, or about anything related. 
I think it’s because I knew I wasn’t in good shape and I wasn’t happy with myself. And if I wasn’t, how could you possibly be? You men are so wired in the physically attraction direction anyway. If wasn’t happy with me, I had already concluded that your suggestions were against me too. 
Every single tiny, little comment you made about how, “You should do this,” or, “You should do that,” just speared what I already knew to be true. It pierced the insecurity that I was already treading around lightly – every single day of my life.
I think about the number of years that you’ve tried to get me to listen to you or have you help me. A long time ago, we did Body for Life. In 2005—and in 2009—we completed P90X. We did that together, BUT even though I did it, I never fully really surrender control of anything – Physically speaking or diet.
I may work out for a while, but since I never completely surrendered and revamped my ways. 
I think, a lot of times, if only I would have just humbled myself and listened to you a long time ago, it wouldn’t be such a fight right now. Because what I’m doing at my age is really hard. Today, when we are at a gym, over there off to the side, there’s a guy over there about 65 or 70 and he’s lifting a ten pound weight or something and doing this little lean over thing. Do you feel that over here? He’s just now entering where we are today.
When I realize we could have taken back our health back a LONG time ago if I would have humbled myself, but instead we just floundered the years – let it go and called it a party, all that fun life together. 
I’m ashamed that I didn’t listen to you because I ended up leading us into rebellion, gluttony, and sheer laziness with our temple. 
I don’t think we’re gluttonous or lazy in any other areas of our lives. We work really hard but I think that I ended up leading us because I was unwilling to submit and be led with my temple. With all that is in me, I surrounded my will to following you in every area of our lives. Will you forgive me for my pride and insecurity regarding my temple care. Will you forgive me for assuming that you were only being critical? I commit to assuming the best about your comments, suggestions, and leading in this area. 
I am your wife and I want to be the best me – fit for life! Not a woman who needs you to care for me always, but that we will help one another. I am so sorry for failing us by not following you well. I love love you! I praise God for you. 
Will you forgive me?” 

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