After I finished my transformation, I decided I wanted to be leaner. I‘ve been working really hard to get my BMI increased and my muscle mass lean.
Then I went on a vacation and ate like a maniac. Sugar addiction wanted to come back; it’s like fat cells and sugar addiction have a memory. I felt like a pig—I simply couldn’t stop eating. I wanted all the sugar. The more I ate, the more I wanted.
It’s incredible to me what a drug sugar is. It bombards your mind and steals from you. It starts by stealing your mind; then it steals your actions; then it steals your body. All of the things you work hard for, you end up losing when you give in.
What is your breaking point? Is it one bite? Is it one meal? Is it one hour? Is it consecutive days of eating what you shouldn’t? For me, the breaking point was when I knew I could eat. Once I knew this, I couldn’t stop myself. It’s a horrible feeling—the feeling of becoming a slave to the temptations again.
I don’t want to be a slave to sugar. I don’t want to be a slave to temptation. I don’t want to be a slave to my food plan. I want to be free. Christ died to set me free, not to make me a slave.
How do I get there? I am really struggling mentally right now with my size and how hard it is to maintain. It is harder to maintain than you would expect because there is sugar everywhere. When you live with freedom and without accountability, are you willing to stay the course for your own health every day? I’m struggling through that right now.
Moving forward is easier said than done. It’s a lifelong commitment. It’s not just a six-month journey or a one-year journey. It’s a lifelong decision to take back your health. It’s not something you can do for a set period of time, let go, and then start all over again, either.
You can take your health back one meal at a time, one day at a time. But without a plan, without prepared food, you’re hosed. Once you start to get hungry, you will allow yourself to start thinking about things you shouldn’t really be eating. You need to decide in advance, “This is the day I’m going to eat ____. And these other days, ____ is what I am going to eat.”
And then you need to maintain your commitment. Keep your word to yourself. Make your word carry value.
I found on this vacation that I didn’t really have a plan. I thought I was just going to be free. I was going to choose to eat healthy sometimes and not healthy other times. But the problem was, it was too generic. It wasn’t specific enough. In the generic plan, I really didn’t have a plan. I just had some vague thoughts. I didn’t have food prepared. I didn’t have restaurants planned out. Nothing.
I ended up eating like a maniac. I would eat a decent meal and then walk to a cupcake shop, eat a cupcake, eat a shot of icing, and have some yogurt. It was too much. Then, when I bumped into Trader Joe’s—oh my gosh, look out! They pretty much have everything in that store—chocolate cups, cookie butter cups, cookie butter with a spoon, cookie butter ice cream, salted caramel chocolates, crunchy cookie butter, butterscotch, salted butterscotch, chocolate balls—I bought all of this stuff. It’s ridiculous.
I had to sack up the sweets and drop them off at my daughter’s camp so she and her friends could dig in. I knew I would eat it all if I didn’t. That is how out of control I was.
Normally, I can have any kind of candy and sweet stuff in my house, and I will not even eat it. I won’t consider it, I know in my mind: Here is my plan. This is what I am going to eat.
Mentally, however, I have been battling hard. This is something that our nation goes through because there is so much to choose from all the time when it comes to stuffing our faces. There is always something that tastes really good. But will you and I be the ones who only look forward to satisfying our taste buds, or are we going to stay focused on taking care of our temples—having a plan and sticking with it, letting our “yes” mean “yes” and our “no” mean “no”?
And ultimately, I ask myself: If I am willing to cheat on my food, what else am I willing to cheat on?