Victim or Victor?

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A victim has the mentality that everything that happens to them is someone else’s fault. They are easily offended and emotional. They generally either cry or react in anger. They feel like the world is stacked against them, no one is for them, and they are all on their own. They look into every situation, searching for the point where they have been attacked, rejected, or left out. Their eyes are always looking at how someone wants to hurt them. They can’t climb their way out of the valley because that’s where they live and stay.

They find their identity as victims. Their identity is caught up in never being wrong but always being wronged. They aren’t leaders. They are not successful. Half of the time, they shoot themselves in the foot. They will never say, “Here is what I did wrong…” But you will always hear them say, “Here is what so-and-so did wrong…” They complain. They are atmosphere-changers. They can take a joyful, loving atmosphere and make it negative. They can turn the tide of momentum into a crash. These people weigh things down because the glass is always half empty. Their eyes can’t see through new perspectives. Thankfulness is not on their lips. Everything they do, someone else is to blame.

How do I know? I used to be a victim.

On the other hand, a victor is someone who has possibly been wronged but has climbed their way out. They have taken their thoughts captive.
“Maybe this isn’t just someone else’s fault. Maybe it was mine. If it was my fault, I can’t change anyone else, but I can change myself. I can change my thoughts; I can change my perspectives. All things are possible. This pit is not where I belong. It is not my calling. It is not my purpose. I belong in a victory position on a mountaintop. I will believe that not everyone is out to get me; instead, people are out to love me and help me.

“I assume the best about people through what they say feels twisted like it’s supposed to be hurtful. I know their hearts. I have seen their fruit. I’ve seen the actions of their love. This one thing is not going to make me change my mind. I believe the best about them. I am not rejected or left out. I am accepted, loved, and safe. If they are angry, maybe I need to reach out to them and try to shepherd their heart back into life, out of an offended or victim mentality, and into victory.”

Victors want other people to be victorious with them. They want to pull people out of the valley and help them see their gifts. They truly put themselves last and others first—or they try. They know the truth. They are bold. When they are emotional, it’s because they see other people who aren’t walking in victory. They know there is a better way, a better side. They are not easily offended. They are loving, kind, and strong. They will probably intimidate you because their confidence is sure and is not in themselves. They have been on the losing end before, and they long to populate the winning side.

Office: Victims and Victors

My husband and I own our own company. It was a dream of his for a long time. It took us years to establish the experience and the credibility to obtain some of the clients we have today.

As our business grows and expands, we are constantly interviewing people. We understand that if people have character, everything is teachable. We have a list of values and character traits important to us. We look to see if the interviewee is a victim or a victor. We could ask them, “Are you a victim or a victor?” and they could give us an answer, but if we can hold them long enough in the interview process, we will know the truth.
With the right kinds of questions, you can tell what someone’s perspective is—whether their failures are because of someone else or their victories are because of someone else. You can tell if they live through the looking glass of “Someone is always out to get me!” or “Someone is out to hurt me!” You can tell if they are an overcomer. You can tell if obstacles have come their way and they have pushed through and finished strong.
We have learned the hard way that we desire to work with victors. A victim mentality will be a weight on everyone’s shoulders. People with a victim mentality complain, murmur, and grumble under their breath. Whatever happens to them is not their fault. It’s your fault. 

Victors will press through. They pick up the blocks when they have fallen over, and they will put them back together. They will have a smile on their face. They will work hard and work late to get it done. They show up. They finish the race. They have initiative. They change the atmosphere for good.
Next time you are in an interview, decide who you are going to be—a victim or a victor. If you are the interviewer, look for the qualities of the victor. It will improve the atmosphere. Everyone—I mean everyone—will prevail with victors in your office.