Want an unhealthy relationship?
1) Never apologize when you judge them (even in your heart)
2) Criticize everything they do
3) Talk about them behind their back – this is especially awesome. One negative + another negative = worse!
4) Never ask for forgiveness when you mess up.
5) Ignore the harsh words you spoke and let them fester in their hearts forever.
Maybe you are asking, “Why aren’t these ok? They’ve worked for me in the past.”
Maybe they have worked, but they are friendship, intimacy, marriage STEALERS! The thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy. It’s time to recognize the enemy working through us and say – get behind me!
1) As a man thinks in his heart so is he. See, you don’t want to even have judgmental thoughts in your heart because it will eventually come out of your mouth or eat you on the inside.
2) Eventually criticizing every single thing someone does will make their ears grow deaf to your voice. They won’t seek you for encouragement because they know the kick in the face will follow. Want intimacy? Try shutting your face and speaking life into someone.
3) You know when you open your mouth to slander another person that when the person jumps in and agrees with you, it only makes it worse. Just don’t. Take your ugly thoughts to God so you don’t site the pot.
4) Always apologize. Make it right. I have a friend that is asking every friend, ” Do you have any offense or bitterness towards me.” She’s doing everything she can to fight for peace in the relationships that she values.
5) Harsh words cut. They leave wounds and scars. They are places that bitter infection can breed depression, offense, or even hatred. Don’t pretend that you didn’t speak those ugly things. Decide in your heart if you meant them and why? What’s wrong with you that you feel that way? We need to do a heart check. Were you striking out because you were angry – is it a defense mechanism? Is it how you really feel? Regardless, you need to know the source. You will eat the fruit of your own words. Think about the person you hurt in your emotional outburst and how much you value them – what you are thankful for and it will give you perspective. Suddenly, you will realize the thing you were actually frustrated about is very small.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but your words will never hurt me. This isn’t true. The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit. Proverbs18:21 Even ugly words spoken out of your own mouth will be words that you will eat. You reap what you sow.
Some people never apologize. They just ignore or justify their own sin (judging, critical spirit, words, etc.), sweep it under the rug, and act like everything’s cool.
Reconciling, apologizing, working things out, in the end, even though it’s harder, actually makes relationships stronger. Sweeping it and ignoring will always leave a little infection for a later – much larger blow out.
Ask for forgiveness.
This 1 John verse, some people teach that it’s about God forgiving your sins, but this isn’t what it is actually talking about. It’s talking about forgiveness with men.
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9